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January 07 Million Pound Match Up EntryWelcome to the Million Pound Match Up entry for Tara
 & Suzanne!  Who we are
 Tara and I are both Inventory Coordinators for U.S. Cellular
 near Rockford, IL. We are some of the rare few in the world who love our jobs . Even though our stores are just miles apart, we only met at work meetings. Being women, we naturally started discussing our weight at some point and discovered we both love to walk for cardio. Well, that did it. We started walking together, along with my dog Brody, at Blackhawk Park 2 to 3 times a week. (Brody makes a great pace dog .) We have been walking together for almost a year now. And although we don't seem to have many interests in common, we have become very good friends. Goals
Our fitness backgrounds are different but basically our goals are the same. Tara has had to fight to keep the weight off all her life due to a hereditary urge to binge. I, on the other hand, was born skinny and was tease relentlessly about it all the way through high school. Then the happy fat of married life got me. That happens when you don't go out dancing like I used to. I'm 5'8" and I would like to get back down to 135/140ish. Tara is close to 5'3" and wants to get to a body fat percentage that is truly healthy (the actual weight isn't that important). Tara and I are striving to be strong, fit and look damn good in a bikini.
Why we are entering this contest. Tara and I both love to watch the Biggest Loser
 . Entering this contest makes us feel like part of the show. Not to mention it will also help keep us motivated through these dreary winter months. We haven't been to the park since the middle of November. Too much snow. If we win, we can walk in the sunshine on the beach, which will burn more calories. And to be live at the weigh in would be so cool. Even though we love our jobs, we need a break . Tara takes care of inventory for 3 stores and I have one very large store plus 2 outside sales people to keep coordinated. We both have gone above and beyond our job duties this last year to practically being our bosses personal assistants. For example, we kept our stores free of clutter, organized a Regional IC meeting for 100 people, traveled to other stores to help train new hires, and we have packed, rearranged and organinzed for a major store remodel. The remodel was a workout in itself. Whew! Tara and I have made many business trips together , and would love to go on one just for fun trip together . We have earned it. Of course Tara and I plan to keep each other motivated by keeping up with our blog, but we are also going to learn to snowboard this year. And since the Biggest Loser show has challenged America to get the whole country in "shape" both physically and environmentally , Tara and I are going to do our part by challenging our coworkers to a biggest loser style contest in our stores. We will also work on getting our stores to recycle the loads of paper and cardboard we use.  .
 1-15-2008....Tara
One thing that Suzanne didn't mention in the paragraphs above is that I have already lost roughly 18-20 lbs since August 07. I can't remember exactly how much I weighed before it really sunk in that I needed to do something about myself(mentally and physically). I know I was above 162 and growing
 . I have cut down on a lot of snacking and I don't eat out much. I just can't and won't right now. It would be like putting a starved lion with a deer in a locked room.  Once I get my mind retrained for what's right vs wrong, I'll be ok to step into an enviroment that is a weak dieters worst nightmare. My family has a huge problem with food. I should actually say we enjoy food because it resembles comfort, love, and family. Everytime we got together we would EAT and not just cause it was meal time. Another thing that I found myself doing was when I would go to my parents house every Sunday, my first reaction is to grab candy or whatever was out that "looked" good. Sometimes I didn't even want it, but my habit of eating at my parents over-ran my part of the brain that said "NO! What are doing???" I have always had a problem with extra weight and a bad view of myself, but I managed to hide most of it.. lol. I wouldn't call myself fat, but I know my fat percent is higher than what I want for myself. However back in August when I weighed around 162-165, I was considered "Obese" since I was 30lbs overweight. Ever since my dad had his first heart attack when I was 13 and I'm 27 now, I have looked at every food label that I ever came in contact with. I know most food nutriention content like the back of my hand. People come to and ask me.. What should I have? What's better for me? My mom uses me as her human calorie calculator. I can do it all in my head, just tell me what you had and how much...I'll get your calories and fat down pretty darn close. Speaking of my dad, one thing that my mom and I don't understand is that my dad has two heart attacks with numerous heart surgeries due to heart desease(from eating REALLY bad all his life), yet he continues to pick on food all day. Doctors tell him over and over that he needs to lose weight or... well you know(Bad things will happen). He claims he doesn't eat much, but he must if he weighs 265-270 for a man who is 5' 7" and in his 60's. We wonder if he stays at this weight... how can his body handle it? My dad just has a compulsion to eat out of the fridge just to have a few bites.
 What he fails to see is that those few bites all day long add up to A LOT! There is no convincing him of this. He is just too stuborn to face the facts. My dad, my one sister, her daughter(my niece) and I have a genetic code embedded in our body that makes us want to eat and eat all day. It's not large meals, it's wanting to taste something to have something in your mouth. It's like you can't concentrate until you eat whatever it is that seemed to attack your brain right then. They say most cravings last 15 minutes and then it's over. Not in our case. It can last all day or continue onto the next(if you can last that long) and it drives you crazy. I kind of compare it to someone needing a fix in order to feel normal again. It's almost as if it's a survial skill. We want to keep eating... like were going to be hibernating bears. I think I would be a lot heavier if it weren't for me liking to exercise and be active. In the artical I have below.. it explains a lot about my problem with my mind and my perception of food. I try to explain this to "normal" eaters and they don't understand. Most people don't understand actually. A short food story... We took a family vacation when I was 10 or 11 to Colorado.
 We started driving up the mountains and doing a lot of fun things.. but all I could do was gripe that I was hungry. Then one scenerio I even find funny now is we were all sitting at the picnic table eating breakfast at the camp ground the next day. I'm on my second big bowl of cereal ... as my mouth is still pretty full.. I asked my mom what we were eating for dinner. How food crazy is that!!!  My brother-in-law will never let me live that down... To go back even younger... I used to take my doll into the kitchen, thinking I was slick, hide a KitKat
 bar into the diaper. I would then go back to my room and eat it. I would do that a couple times in a row. My mom never thought anything of it. She always assumed it was my dad eating them. I have told my mom and my family about how I would binge eat, but I still don't think they know what I'm capable of consuming at once. Only reason is because around them, I ate normal.. or even less. For example.. I think this was 7-8 years ago. I had done awesome with food all day, then something must of snapped on my way home. I had a whole wheat(the thick bread) P & J sandwich left over from lunch, so I ate that cuz I was hungry(completely normal right?). This is where it gets scary. I went thru the drive thru at McDonalds
 (still don't know why) but I ordered........ a Mc Chicken Meal/ Double Quarter Pounder Meal and a Chocolate Shake. I managed to eat all of that in a 45 minute drive! THEN!! when I got home(still lived at parents) I didn't mention to them that I just ate all that(I didn't want ANYBODY to know), so I ate a bowl of vanilla ice cream.  After eating all this... I went to my room and had to lay there and think "why in hell did I do that?" . I refuse to throw it up...so the next day I would hardly eat and I would run or go play soccer all day long. I don't do this type of thing anymore and I haven't in many years... but it still haunts me.1-17-2008
I'm getting a little frustrated. I got on the scale this morning and it was 2 lbs heavy... WTF! I thought I was gonna be cheering and proud of myself. This is the kinda stuff that makes binging wanna happen. I won't though. I better be 3lbs less in a couple days dang it.
 1-20-2008
It's crazy to me how quickly my body self-esteem can be lowered by a couple comments. Usually I don't care what people have to say to me or about me. I feel if they have something negative to say, then they are not important in my life. But last night my boyfriend(Corey) made a statement about an actress he REALLY likes a lot and how hot she is. (I did not react well!)( I said some bad things) We got into a fight because I'm very outspoken and stand up for myself.. He sees it as I'm bitching and causing the fight. I think he got a little too comfortable with talking about other women's bodies. I think last night was too much for me to handle and it broke me down like a weak dam.
 I know he looks at other women, which is totally normal and healthy.... but I don't want to hear about how he thinks they are HOT. I still feel confident in who I am and what my I'm about, but hearing Corey talk about other women... it puts my mind in a not so friendly place. 1-25-2008
I can say I feel much better about myself after actually communicationg for once. I usually assume the worst and my mind takes over.. the green angry monster comes out. Back years ago this exact sistuation would of caused me to want to eat enough that I coluldn't move just to take away the hurt and anger I felt. This last I was forced to take a hard look at myself in a mental stand point. I realized there are things I need to change, even though I'm stubborn like no other! lol.
I know I'm losing weight very slowly, like 1 pound a week... but I'm just VERY happy that the scale is going down and not up! I'm at the lowest weight I've been in a LONG TIME. It feels really good! My partner Suzanne has been on vacation since last Saturday with her hubby. She won't be back till Monday. So I'm relying on my sister to keep me in check, also reading stories on everyone's page, it's very inpirational. I'm very excited, I'm heading up to Michigan to see Corey today. We need to see each other soon! It's been a month already since the last time. It's a 300 miles drive! YIKES. He is so worth it though. I can't bring snacks for the drive with me this time. I'm gonna eat before I leave, then a protein bar if I get hungry on the way there. I have to jump in the shower now and get ready to leave. I'M EXCITED!
1-30-2008
All I have to really say is...... trying to eat less ...... SUCKS *SS CHEEKS!
I did have a REALLY good time with Corey. I still behaved. I did have a few more drinks than I should of... but I was having too much fun
 Don't mind the look on Corey's face. He thinks he can avoid lookin cute. I drove 303 miles on Friday morning and I was way too excited to wanna eat. I'm lucky that Corey likes to eat healthy and normal. Then again I drove 303 miles on Monday morning. I forgot to bring my lunch so I ended up hardly eating till 4pm. Lets say that didn't go well! I had a half binge. My mental state at that time was AWFUL! I just drove 300 miles away from my man(I get kinda depressed), my period was right around the corner, and I was STARVING! Talk about a bad combination. I actually went to McDonalds and got greasy greasy stuff. I think I still only had 1800 calories that day, but I could of done A LOT worse if it wasn't for this site and everyone supporting it.When I'm up at Corey's... it's like my own personal outdoors gym. He takes me EVERYWHERE! This last time he made me try snowshoeing... wow is that freakin hard. Then we went for a walk in snow that came up to my knees, which is Corey's damn ankles... LOL JK My legs were burning and I had to stop and lay in the snow. Corey would stand over me and act like Mr. Tough Man.
 I was hoping no bears got a whiff of my sweaty arm pits. 2-01-08
Suzanne better get her butt on here or I'll have to show up at her house with a tape measure to tie her up till she spills her guts on this thing!
I've really noticed that If I find something to be happy about and keep that state of mind... food isn't so hard to turn down. I still have my moments where I could be staring at the start of a binge.
 I really think this site has helped my mind think straight and have a positive outlook on the flaws of food. I know people see my pictures and think "She doesn't need to lose any!" "She's fine!".... well..... For those who say that.... I partly agree. However the other half.. You can't see behind the curtains. I struggle with the concept of food EVERYDAY. I think I read in someone's blogs about how alcoholics have to go cold turkey in order to break the habit and cycle of binge drinking. If that was the case with food, I'd be cured. Unfortunatly... we can't go cold turkey. We actually have to bite down while we receive the beating. It feels like a slow torture and it consumes your entire being. It's almost like your standing in front of a window, looking out to where you could be. You see yourself out in the open breathing air that seems to refreshen your soul. But, the window stops you dead in your tracks. How does a person find there way out? Where is the door? Why can't I see it? Is it only me who is numb to the fact that getting out to be free is a true reality? I know I've mentioned this before, but my family has a major food issue. I won't go into any great detail, but one of my sisters had an addiction worse than I and resolved it differently. It got bad for a while, then a guardian angel must have touched her heart. We have gotten so used to the term "dieting" that I don't think we even realize what it is anymore. It's funny during the holidays, we get together with lots of food and talk about everyone's world. The number 1 subject..... I'm going on a diet (TOMORROW)! We talk about our wishes and what we want with our bodies. We talk about how nice it would be to fit into certain things and not worrying about someone getting attacked by a flying button.
 "The only that's stopping us from our dreams"? Who Knows? We lack that certain something that smacks us up-side the head and says" HELLO!" I know I can say this for a medical fact.. my thyroid is below average. Which means my metabolism works slower than most people. So for an example.. If I eat 1200 calories in a day, it would be like someone else having 1600. I may look like I don't have issues with myself, but I struggle every day to maintain what I have and to stay this way. I go to the gym, I dance around my apartment, I park way out from the entrance when I go to stores. I get a lot of exercise, because without it, I feel lost in my own skin. If I let my guard down to the point of not caring about myself like I should.. I seriously will gain 20lbs in 3 months. I'm talkin 20 freakin lbs of FAT! I've done this 2 times in 5 years. YO-YO!Comments (3)TrackbacksThe trackback URL for this entry is: http://coffeedrinkers.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!EB3F3EC513AB11FD!199.trak Weblogs that reference this entry
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